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Does Hollywood think we’re dumb?

Alright,  so I got an obserd amount of sleep last night so I’m finally thinking clearly for the first time in a week.  This morning, I checked the early reviews of this weeks releases on Rotten Tomatoes and saw that Ghost Rider 2 has no reviews yet.  For those not familiar with the film critic review aggregate that is Rotten Tomatoes, it is an awesome site where you can see what every important critic in the industry thinks of a film.

Until it is proven otherwise, there is a general rule of thumb regarding films that don’t allow reviews to be released before the film is released.  The rule is, these movies are shit and to avoid bad publicity and early word of mouth, they don’t allow reviews to be published until the release date of the film (when they can’t supress them anymore).  For anyone who knows this, they know not to hold out hope when it comes down to Thursday afternoon and there isn’t a review in site.  Odds are, that movie is a hot mess and the studio already knows they’re going to lose money.

I bring this up because this week Ghost Rider 2 is due out (tomorrow).  I noticed there were no reviews and it is a day before it’s release.  This angers me because the first Ghost Rider hardly covered it’s budget and was horribly received.  They had no justifiable reason to make a second film, except maybe for the fact that Nic Cage was in decent form.  In fact, maybe one of the only films he didn’t overact in (which is arguably the best part of a Cage film).

Now, we’re down to the wire and it looks like the film they promised would be a vast improvement on the lackluster origin film will be an even bigger bust.  Here is where I have the problem and ask the question.

Do studios think American’s are dumb?

Do they not think we can tell a piece of shit from a good flick?  Apparently so, seeing as Michael Bay made a similar promise that Transformers 3 would be worlds better than the garbage plate that was Transformers 2.  What did we get?  The worst movie to ever have robots in it and arguably the worst film of the decade.  You can say you like Transformers 2 and 3, but by admiting that, you might be admiting that you are in fact, an idiot.  Say you like the graphics and the robot melee and that’s a fair statement, but to claim the story was “good” or “engaging” is like saying a paper cut feels good or getting punched in the face makes you happy (not applicable to Ed Norton).

Consider what was promised by Columbia and the makers of Ghost Rider 2.  They said it would be an improvement.  They said we would not be disappointed.  Here we are, years after the first and we’re set up to sit through another piece of trash that should have been buried under the brutal reviews of the first film.  What does that say about Hollywood?  That they can make so many promises and have no ability to even consider keeping them.  They would much rather make the film, collect the cash and make excuses later.  It’s easier, isn’t it?

At least with the Twilight franchise, they never claim to be anything their not.  That is the only good thing about the series, which is just pulp teen fodder force fed with puppy dog eyes and diamond sparkled skin.  They give audiences exactly what they want and make no promises that the next will be the best or be “good”.  

Is it really that hard to write a good script?  As a screenwriter myself, the short answer is no.  A good script should take a decent writer a few months, a good writer a few weeks and a great writer a few days.  A great script can take significantly longer and cannot come from the pen of a hack no matter how hard they try.  That isn’t what Ghost Rider is meant for.  It’s popcorn action for fanboys and comic kids.  The script doesn’t have to be jewel encrusted, but no script should ever end up like Punisher: War Zone or Grown Ups (to which will get a garbage sequel).

I guess the bottom line is most people in Hollywood either don’t care what they are making, don’t realize what they are making or are too scared to stand up and say something constructively negative.  An old co-worker once asked me if people in the industry read screenplays before they made the film, because he couldn’t understand how something like Transformers 3 could make it out into circulation.  I told him I wasn’t exactly sure since I’ve never really made it past pre-production (on account of my own laziness and inability to push my writing like a drug).  I also told him what I did know.  The Executive Producers (the money men) behind a picture don’t care what it looks or sounds like as long as the money they put in is returned with interest.  Kind of like how the Oakland A’s don’t care about winning championships because they’re a small market team (Moneyball, anyone?).  As long as their making money, the math adds up.

I believe that is what is really wrong with Hollywood.  The willingness to plaster things with money instead of strong concepts.  After Vince Vaughn made Wedding Crashers and was a bankable star, he stopped making good films.  It’s not because he isn’t talented, it’s because he didn’t have to get noticed anymore.  He was famous, he was A list and so he was going to get that big check even if he starred in Couples Retreat and The Break Up.

I guess, in the end when you only see green you don’t really see any other color.  Of course, the only way to stop this is for us, as a collective protest, to stop going to see these overpriced, thin plotted movies.  Then Adam Sandler would stop making Jack and Jill and go back to making Punch Drunk Love or Reign on Me.  Case in point, Tom Cruise.  Once he stopped being bankable, he had to waive his own fee to get a great project (MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 4) off the ground.  The result was the best action film of 2011 and a HUGE box office number.  Tom, who everyone had written off, now has a giant pile of money from the back end sales and finally broke out of his celebrity slump.  I could care less how crazy he is, the man knows what a good film is and he was willing to fight for it.  Passion.  That’s what producers and big studios lose when money comes into play; passion.

Check out my sweet fake documentary short about the life of a wannabe event announcer and his struggles to make it.  If you like to laugh, this is for you.

First Footage : The Bourne Legacy (aka that Bourne film without Matt Damon)

I was never one to condone sequels to the most bad ass movies of all time…without the main character or creative team behind the originals.  Somehow, some way, they managed to put together another Bourne film without Matt Damon (and Jason Bourne) or Paul Greengrass and completely separate from the Robert Ludlum mythology.

Everything the Bourne franchise built up in the first three films has basically been put in someone’s pocket and kept for a rainy day (or until Damon and Greengrass decide to come back).  That should have been the end of the franchise.  Everything about this new film should not work, cannot possibly hold up and should never have been made.  That said…this one looks pretty freaking cool!

I’m always going to suspend my belief until I can get that stats and evidence to disprove me, but I knew something was going right when they signed Jeremy Renner and Ed Norton for the 4th Bourne film.   Now we have our first trailer and while it might not be the best made trailer ever, it certainly looks like they are handling the franchise with care and affection.  Do I think they should try and create a rougue agent more bad ass than Jason Bourne?  Hell no!  But I have to be honest when I say I can’t help but get giddy at the idea of Renner facing off against Damon in a 5th film like a worldwide assassin game of chess.  

We’ll see if this new Bourne film can hold up the franchise and if it does, we can talk sequels, but until then, I’ll hold out hope that Renner and Norton know what they are doing and the studio isn’t just trying to capitalize on Bourne’s name.  For now, here’s the first trailer!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wlj8Cy8Eb-s


How to deal?

Woke up this morning with equal parts wonderment and wondering what would become of me in 2012.  I know, it sounds strange to be so philosophically claustrophobic so early in the morning, to wake up with a mixture of confusion and impending terror takes a man out of his game too early in the day, but that seems to be the norm for me these days.

I’ve been wrapped in a considerably inconsistent mindset since this year began.  On one end, I have my heart and it handles in a certain way.  It’s about the only organ in my body that can make me move at the drop of a hat.  Then, I have my head, which weighs on my all the logical and statistical outcomes of every scenario I find myself filtering through.  Listening to either or both at the same time is like listening to my grandfather and his brother argue about who was more effective during World War II.  For those who can’t visualize that, think of two full blood Sicilian men screaming over each other over a bottle of wine.  Translate that to a metephor about conflicting inner emotions and you have yourself a good idea of how I make myself crazy at times.

I guess the point I’m trying to make is that we all need a lantern in the dark sometimes.  We all need that illumination to show us how to get home and when it’s not there or it’s too dim or we’re just too far away to catch it’s glint, we’re out there alone…in the dark.  I usually thrive in that sort of situation.  I usually adapt and ammend to the point of absolute change and move forward from there, but something is different.  I feel smarter now than I’ve ever felt, but I also feel this condensed pressure to go big or go home.  At a certain point, we do need to set certain childish things aside and assume the roles of grown ups, but if all that does is add to the push and pull within us, how can we justify such a rationality?

I don’t have answers, I’ve only ever had an endless supply of questions.  What do we  become?  Where do we go from here?  Is this the right move?  I do know that we can never know any answer unless we take a chance to find it.  Make that move, take that job, ext.  That is something I am sure of and something I’m not afraid to attempt to answer.  I’ll always live in that space between what’s real and solid and what might evaporate like a cloud when you prod it.  That’s just the kind of person I am.  The thing now, however, is how do I turn that fluffy, puffy cloud into something solid?

Who knows?

T

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HA HA HA!

Part one of THE PARTY, my make believe film we made while I was home for Christmas.  More is on the way, so stay tuned!

REASONS TO BE EXCITED FOR 2012

I know we’re all lingering in that space between doom and uncertainty this year, being that it is 2012, but I can’t help but feel excited for what this year has in store.  Set aside all the used up ancient calander space and countless prediction from self-proclaimed predictors and think about what we’re really getting in 2012.  Not an apocalypse or a movie with John Cusack (although The Raven is happening), but rather a slew of some pretty exciting things.  From music to movies and even a little television, I wanted to tell you guys about some things I, myself, am excited for in 2012, but also let you in on a few things you may not know are even going down.  So, here’s a few reasons not to panic about the end of the world in 2012.

The Dark Knight Rises – If the world ends, it will be because everyone in the world stopped going to work, stopped eating and sleeping and doing anything other than go see Christopher Nolan’s final chapter in the Batman series.  This one is the most anticipated film…ever.  Forget Avatar or Transformers or Pirates or whatever, name me a box office record and I’ll interject from the future where DKR holds every one.  This movie will soon be the highest grossing film of all time and we should be excited because it’s probably going to kick ass too.  The question is, will it kick more as the The Dark Knight?

Chuck - This is actually super sad; NBC’s spy/comedy series, Chuck, is ending.  Series long fans will be happy because we’ve gotten 5 seasons out of a show that was almost cancelled during season 2 (because people are stupid).  We’ll thank Subway for all the love and the cast and crew for all the memories and we’ll be forced to see our favorite nerd/secret agent retire from primetime.  Personally, I am excited for the 2 hour series finale that’s airing this Friday, but I don’t know what I’ll do without a show I’ve been lobbying and fighting for since the beginning.  Plus, Chuck has constantly had the best soundtrack than any show ever.  You will be missed Buy More, you will be missed.

Eastbound & Down – Another series ending this year is HBO’s Eastbound & Down, which will see the end of El Flama Blanca, aka, Kenny Powers.  It is ruthless, unapologetic and absolutely hilarious.  Nothing on TV really compares to the crude nature of Eastbound and none will after it’s gone.  The season previews are looking great, though and we know Danny McBride and company will go out with a hell of a loud bang.

2012 Albums – There is a lot of good music (according to me personally) that is coming out this year.  The Used, The Killers, Nicki Minaj, The Offspring, No Doubt and Smashing Pumpkins are a few you may or may not care to know about.  What I’m most looking forward to is MGMT’s new album and to hear a Paramore album with new guitarists.  There’s also another album from The Strokes which I’d be more than happy to listen to until my ears started to bleed (which means two in two years).  I’m excited because who knows what else will come out.  Music is going to be a big thing this year.

2012 Films – I know we touched on DKR, but that’s separate because it’s going to be a freak of nature.  Everything else in theaters actually have to worry about marketing and risk vs reward.  No other film this year is really pegged as a sure thing (Amazing Spider-man and The Avengers has potential, but it’s still in question).  There are a lot of films that could be huge, however.  The Hunger Games and The Amazing Spider-man are looking to establish franchises and Madagascar and Ice Age are comign back to trying to take over the animation game entirely this year.  When it comes down to it, though, I’m excited for Tarantino’s Django Unchained, Brad Pitt in Coogan’s Trade, Looper, Moonrise Kingdom,  Dark Shadows, Argo, World War Z, The Grey, The Great Gatsby, This is Forty, and Chronicle.  I do think the surprise of the year might be this Project X party movie that is starting to get some steam as it draws closer.  We’ll see, but all I know is this year is going to be a good one for movies.  If Haywire is a prologue to the 2012 cinema season, I’m already jumping up and down like an anxious child (yes, Haywire was awesome).

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Another clip from THOSE DUDES Podcast!  Here we learn about Jaffy’s boss.

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A clip from our Podcast, THOSE DUDES!  We talk about some Shredder shit!